


Bloodied Hands

by Againstme



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hunk (Voltron)-centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 02:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12695601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Againstme/pseuds/Againstme
Summary: Every time Keith comes back to the Castle, it’s like Hunk meets him all over again.There are new scars, new stories to tell, a new look in his eyes that Hunk can’t quite figure out. Hunk can also see Keith growing more and more and more tired, the weight of the Blade’s missions growing on his shoulders with nowhere to go.He becomes more quiet, more restrained, lessKeith.





	Bloodied Hands

**Author's Note:**

> This came out a lot more OCD-ish than I meant for it to. Make of that what you will.
> 
> There are a lot of mentions of blood in this (but no graphic injuries/violence!) , so please don't read if you're super sensitive to blood
> 
> I love comments/kudos!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Every time Keith comes back to the Castle, it’s like Hunk meets him all over again.

There are new scars, new stories to tell, a new look in his eyes that Hunk can’t quite figure out. Hunk can also see Keith growing more and more and more tired, the weight of the Blade’s missions growing on his shoulders with nowhere to go.

He becomes more quiet, more restrained, less  _Keith_.

Hunk tries not to worry too much, tries not to tell him he shouldn’t be with the Blades when it’s so clearly taking a heavy toll on him because if there’s one thing that hasn’t changed about Keith, it’s his temper.

Hunk’s been screamed at in enough video calls by suggesting coming back to Voltron to know he doesn’t want it to happen in real life as well.

It’s probably not healthy, but he can’t be damned to care. What else, who else is he going to cling to in this war thousands and thousands of miles from Earth?

Who else is Keith going to cling to now that he’s not even with Voltron anymore?

But, it’s fine at first; the changes aren’t exactly subtle, but they’re not overwhelming, they’re not dangerous really.

The first big change is after their big battle and after Lotor comes into play. Keith’s more sullen, more nihilistic; he doesn’t stay with Hunk like he usually does, “I have to think.” is all he says to explain the sudden change.

After, he comes back less often, with scars that just keep getting bigger and in more dangerous places and with less stories to tell. Hunk makes sure to kiss every scar, to try and maybe make Keith understand that he’s still valued with the team, that Voltron wants him; needs him.

Keith comes back once, twice, three times, five times, ten times; he comes back until he doesn’t.

Hunk expects the Blades to send back a wooden box, like they do in old timey movies, for some reason. It’s all he can think about as Kolivan talks.

Hunk’s only saving grace as a strange, overwhelming numbness fills him is that Shiro doesn’t cry either hearing Kolivan’s words.

They don’t send him back in a wooden box. Why would they? Hunk hasn’t seen anything vaguely resembling wood since they left Olkarion’s forest.

No, they send him back in a metal box with a simple mechanism to open it. That’s when Shiro breaks.

The sight of Keith’s dead eyes - the Blades didn’t even think to close them - staring out into nowhere making him shake and sob. Lance and Pidge and Allura and Coran run to him, they’ve all been crying for days now.

Hunk… Hunk doesn’t feel anything. Maybe a little guilt.

He leans closer to close Keith’s eyes and sees the huge wound in the middle of his abdomen. It’s undoubtedly what killed him.

Maybe a lot of guilt.

He needs to wash his hands. The others look at him weird when he leaves.

Lance finds him later that evening, “Hunk, you know we’re there for you right?”

“I know you are.” His voice doesn’t sound like his, there’s no emotions, there’s nothing.

Lance frowns, “I don’t know if you’re being macho or anything, but you’re allowed to cry, Hunk. We all know you loved him-”

“I barely knew him.” The words leave Hunk before he has time to think. But as he says them, Hunk realises that it’s true. Keith was always faster than him, and with the Blades, he changed at the speed of light. There was no way for Hunk to keep up and learn to know him again when they were on two different ships.

Lance doesn’t agree, it’s obvious in his face, but he shuts his mouth and looks away.

There’s a moment of silence, and Hunk rubs his hands together nervously.

“We’re watching a movie tonight,” Lance tells him, “so we can distract ourselves from Keith for an hour or two and not go crazy. You should join us.”

Thinking about Keith makes his hands feel disgusting and sticky, like when his niece got cut really badly and he had to help stop the bleeding. The only part of Hunk that can feel anything right now tells him he deserves that feeling for giving up on Keith, for not trying harder to get him out of the Blade’s ranks.

“I’m just going to turn in early,” he answers.

He doesn’t sleep much that night, can’t manage it when his dreams turn sour so quickly.

They’re always about Keith; Keith dying, Keith screaming at him to do something to stop what’s going to happen to him.

They’re all bad, but the worst is without a doubt the one where Keith cusses him out as he’s dying. Curses him for not saving him, for not being the boyfriend he should’ve been.

Sure, Kolivan said that Keith didn’t have any last words, that he passed out seconds after he got into their escape shuttle, but Hunk can’t get that image out of his head.

Hunk wakes up sweaty and with his body covered in the same stuff his hands usually are. The stickiness drips onto the floor, drop after drop after drop after drop, spreading onto the floor the same way Keith’s blood must have while he bled out.

Hunk gets up and takes a scalding hot shower that lasts hours after that.

He avoids the team for as long as he can, until Pidge corners him in his room.

“Want to help me make some cake or cookies, or just bake whatever you want really?” she asks.

Hunk hasn’t touched fresh food since Keith. He doesn’t even remember if he’s been eating, the hours and the days just blurring together in one mass of nothingness.

Pidge looks pretty determined to get him out of his room, but Hunk just can’t.

“Not really.” he answers.

Pidge doesn’t look surprised by his answer, “How about messing with some tech? Matt brought loads from the rebels and some of it’s super awesome!”

“Look, Pidge, just give me another day. Or two.” Or three. Or ten. Or just give him until the numbness and the blood and the guilt finally kills him.

Pidge visibly deflates, “Okay. But after tomorrow, we’re coming to get you and you’re going to do something even if it’s just watching a movie. It’s not healthy to stay isolated like this.”

Hunk nods, and Pidge looks at him a few seconds before leaving. As soon as the door closes, blood drips from Hunk’s hands to the floor.

He shouldn’t be doing anything aside from waste away now that Keith’s gone. It’s what he deserves. That and the numbness.

That night, Hunk sleeps half an hour before Keith comes to haunt him again. As he takes a shower until morning, again, he’s damn glad the Castle doesn’t run out of hot water.

The shower doesn’t help with the blood and there’s only so long he can keep it running once the others are awake.

Hunk goes to the sink and washes his hands. Over and over and over and over and over. Until there’s real blood on his hands. The sight of his blood makes him feel marginally better, letting the guilt finally be replaced with the cool numbness he’s grown used to over the past week.

Allura knocks at his door shortly after.

“I said I would go tomorrow, just give me that time.”

“I’m not here for that,” she answers. She enters the room and sits on the bed, motioning for Hunk to sit next to her. He does, already feeling blood start to pool in his gloves. This can’t be anything good. “We’ve decided to bury Keith on your home planet, Earth. We will arrive there in a few cycles.”

The blood stops pooling, retracting back into almost nothing. That’s… Hunk hadn’t even thought about burying Keith anywhere.

He’d always just thought that they were going to leave Keith there, in his box, for everyone to see whenever they want to.

Now that he thinks about it, burying him makes a lot more sense.

“Are we gonna stay there long?”

“No. We can’t, it will attract the Galra. Though we will stay an entire Earth day for - what did Lance call it again? Ah, yes - for the funeral.”

The burial feels like it’s taken a huge weight off Hunk’s shoulders. He’s not sure why, maybe it’s because Keith will have his final resting place on Earth, but Hunk feels so much less guilty, so much less numb. He could actually cry right now if he was pushed.

“Are you eating lunch soon?” he asks.

Allura looks at him in surprise then she smiles weakly, “Yes, and there’s always a free spot for you at the table if you want to join us.”

Hunk’s not sure if he will yet, maybe as soon as Allura leaves he’ll be crushed by guilt again, but part of him wants to go and see the others, his team, his friends, again.

“I might.”

Hunk doesn’t end up going to lunch that day, too caught up in cleaning his hands. He knows that the others can’t see the blood, can’t feel it the way he does; but the  _what if they can_  hangs heavily over his head.

He manages to go to dinner though. They all smile when he comes, and Lance spends all of dinner telling stories about the times on planet that Hunk’s missed during his self isolation.

Lance isn’t as happy, as genuine as he usually is; Hunk’s known him long enough to be able to tell the difference;  but he’s a welcome distraction. For the first time since Keith, Hunk actually laughs.

He feels horribly guilty about it after, especially when the Keith in his dreams taunts him about it, but in the moment, it’s nice.

After dinner, Hunk starts leaving his room more often. Some days are better: he barely needs to wash his hands to not feel disgusting, and others are much much worse: the blood leaking on the floor wherever he goes, no matter how many times he scrubs his hands raw until they bleed.

Most days though, Hunk just feels like he’s floating a bit above the ground. The numbness is still there, overwhelming every emotion except guilt as it’s always done since they got the news. It’s hard, it’s a whole load of nothing, but it’s liveable.

They go towards Earth slowly, only using wormholes to trick the Galra about where they’re heading, and by the time they arrive, Hunk’s almost forgotten why they were going there in the first place.

They land somewhere so remote, so far away from anything and anyone, and it feels like a punch in the gut. No one will ever find Keith’s grave unless they know where to look. Rationally, Hunk knows it’s for the best. The rest of him feels like he’s betraying Keith somehow.

His hands are absolutely soaked.

He doesn’t clean them. Instead, he volunteers to dig. The Castle can make a hole easily, but it’s not personal enough. They’re already burying him in the middle of nowhere, least they can do is dig his grave.

Shiro volunteers as well, and before Hunk knows it, it’s just Shiro and him outside, digging under the hot sun.

“I’m sorry,” Hunk blurts out. The blood is slowly covering everything, every part of his body, the very grave he’s digging. How is he supposed to look Shiro in the eye when he just gave up on Keith the way he did, when he basically killed Keith the way he did.

Shiro stops digging, “About what?”

“I gave up on trying to convince him to leave the Blades.” Hunk looks away, Shiro’s gaze is always so intense, it feels like he’s making a hole right into Hunk’s soul. “I killed him basically.”

“Hunk…”

“Wait, I’m not done. And after I essentially killed him, I wasn’t even sad. I haven’t even cried about his death!”

“Hunk, you didn’t kill him. He made his own decisions. And if we’re going by your logic, we’re all just as much to blame for his death as you are.”

Which… wasn’t wrong. His thoughts, his guilt wasn’t rational.

Shiro places a hand on Hunk’s shoulder, warm and grounding, “Hunk, he really loved you. I know he never showed it the way most people do, but he really did love you.”

That breaks through the numbness, through the guilt, through everything.

Hot tears fall down Hunk’s cheeks, making breathing and talking difficult “I miss him so much.” His voice is pitchy and it doesn’t sound like him again, but Shiro doesn’t mind.

Shiro who doesn’t hesitate for a second before hugging Hunk, listening to his grief stricken rambling, comforting him as best he can.

Hunk’s not sure for how long he cries. An hour maybe. Shiro’s there the entire time, and by the end, he’s crying too.

Hunk’s breathing is slowly going back to normal when Shiro says, “It’ll get less painful, you know.”

“Yeah?”

The sun passed noon a while ago now, and the others left the ship to see what was taking them so long. Shiro ignores them and just nods, “But we won’t ever forget him.”

“Yeah, we won’t.” Hunk agrees


End file.
